We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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