I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
