Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize