you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
