I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
