I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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