they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
