thus making me awesome and them whores
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
