I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
vagina is talking i cant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
