that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
