Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
