I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
