Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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