My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize