Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
