Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
