remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
