i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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