you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
