I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
worst night to have a conscience
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
