I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and she was petting her beer can
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
