I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
