I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
