Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
