it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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