This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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