i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
