after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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