Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
