Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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