we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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