Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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