then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
