38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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