It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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