Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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