So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
