And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
