i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
