I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
