Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
