yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
