I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
