my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
