so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
