She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
