i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
