how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
3pm strippers are depressing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
