why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
