Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
