All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
