I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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