i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
