Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
