How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
