My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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