Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
