oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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