This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
