You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
