Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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