Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
