Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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