So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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