Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
