Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i will never coherently bang her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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