false alarm. still invincible.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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