I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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