You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
