I am puke
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Acid is not a monday night drug
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
