you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
