Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
