I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
