now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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