Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
