Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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