She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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