we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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