i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize