Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
